To my cat:
My mum who has never met you visited today.
I reminded you that she was bringing your second Christmas present. You know the one in addition to your expensive heated bed my mum and dad sent you. You listened semi-attentively when I explained that you needed to simply sit still, sleep or purr. We agreed that no actual affection (feigned or genuine) was required.
You had one job.
And you did it.
Right on the floor.
In front of my mother.
I should be promising your Christmas presents to the Shelter for Kitties who will appreciate them.